Masks

I'm Hexadecimal. Remember that old tv show on YTV, Reboot? I'm like Hexadecimal. A thousand masks for a thousand different purposes, nobody ever seeing the real face beneath, and the ever present question of whether or not there is a real face beneath all the masks. I feel sometimes like there isn't anything real at the bottom, like I've lived in the masks so long that the masks, like V's Guy Fawkes mask, are my face for all intents and purposes. This is, naturally, a rather pathetic prospect, the notion than I've become nothing more than a bundle of lies and falsehood and mockery and sarcasm.

I ought to start actively creating new masks rather than just accepting the one's that naturally develop. I should be taking charge of how I want people to see me. Since it's all lies anyway shouldn't I at least have the chance to make it good lies? Well it's a nice theory, but, as I love to point out, most theories don't tend to pan out.

This is the part where apparently I never post anything.

Breathe Deep (Lyrics)

There was a time when everything felt wrong
Every little action
Everything I did
Every note in every song

I wanted to blame him
But it wasn't his fault
For two years I blamed him
When it wasn't his fault

And now I arrive at a time where I see and I know
Every ailment and woe
Is just fine
And I can finally

Breathe Deep
Breathe in the air I'm in
Breathe down
Feel the world's right again
Breathing
Slow and relaxingly
Breathe Deep

There was a moment when everything fell
Just a tiny action
And a rash response
I got caught up in the swell

And for too long I blamed him
When it wasn't his fault
Needed someone to blame
It's a serious fault

I called him that name for a year and I hated him more
Than I'd ever before
and I fear

There was the nightmare
I was running and couldn't escape
And nowhere that I turned felt safe
I'd imagine him in every place
Be convinced that I'd seen his face

As each month went by still I'd feel
Like that wound would just never heal
I was punishing me as I blamed
Cause I blamed him and me just the same
And I just couldn't

Breathe Deep
Breathe Deep
Breathe Deep

Breathe in
Breathe out
One Breath
One Count

Breathe in
The air I'm in
Breathe down
The world around
Breathe slow
Allow it to flow
Breathe deep my friend

There was a time when everything felt wrong
Every little action
Everything I did
Every note in every song

It was mine
It was his
It was both
Problem is
After two whole years can you heal a rift?
Maybe if you
Breathe Deep
Maybe if you
Breathe Deep
Maybe if you
Breathe Deep

Breathe Deep
Breathe in the air you're in
Breathe down
Make the world right again
Breathing
Slow and relaxingly
Breathe

And I finally
Breathe Deep
I can once again
Breathe Deep

Did we heal it?
I don't really know
But I did what I had to
Time will tell
The future's uncertain
Past's in the past
Let's just draw that curtain

Curtains closed
House lights one hundred
Intermission
We'll be back in five

Remember (New Song Lyrics)

When you return
It's never quite what you expect
Nothing is right
The way you think it's gonna be
You're back again
The images you built inside your head
Torn down the seam by just one thread
fall shattered and asunder on the ground

Just on step
Into reality
You see the truth of what you have
Just one drip
Sand through the hourglass
Time and time again

It's not the same
As the world you saw before you
Not just the dream
You had glowing in your mind
Just a wisp
In the mist
Just a whisper of a shadow
Slowly creeping through the cracks into your mind

I turn to say
You turn away
Aren't you listening to my words
You look and grin
And I begin
But you ignore me, it's absurd
Over the year
Since we've been here
You hadn't changed, not that I'd hear
Not nearly as much
As the one before me

Just one chance
To come
To be together
Just one day
Or maybe seven
Not much more
Time
Begging to stay
Slipping away
Give me one more moment
One more day

It's not the same
As the world you had predicted
Not just the dream
You had yearned to realize
Just a wisp
In the mist
The suggestion of a daydream
Just a chance
Time to dance
In the rain or in the darkness

Sing until
Sweat and tears have shown you where you are
Sing finally
One refrain that tells you where you are
Sing until every day
Feels like it's being ripped away
And you remember
One more time
Finally remember
Just in time
Finally remember
Where you are

Just one step
Into reality
Just one drip
Sand through the hourglass
Just one chance
To live a week as one
Just one day
Give me one more day

Just a wisp
In the mist
Just the whisper of a shadow

Lamplight

I'm sitting, lying, waiting
Seconds ticking by and I wish
Wish for the light in from window
To fade away
The mirror shining in the lamplight
From the street lamps outside
I toss and turn
In the street lamp dawn

I wanna sleep
I need to sleep
I need to wake up in the morning
I wanna sleep
Why can't I sleep

I'm sleeping in 'til noon
Because I do not sleep until five
I'm missing classes, missing chances
To figure it out
Is it just stress or is it fear
Or something angrier still
All I know is that I can't sleep
In the street lamp dawn
Dawn

Street
Street lamp dreams
Street lamp dreams
Street lamp dawn
Street lamp dawn
Sleep
Sleep all day
Sleep all night
Sleep

I wanna sleep
I need to sleep
I need to wake up in the morning
I wanna sleep
Why can't I sleep
Give me some sleep

Kiss of sleep
Kiss of relief
I wanna sleep
Some relief
Just a little sleep
When it's still dark out

I want sleep
Give me sleep
Just a dream or two, please
Give me some time in the night
Time to rest to sleep to dream
To feast

The seconds tick on the alarm clock
That is useless as hell
It hasn't woken me, woken me
For months now
I sleep too deeply, sleep to sweetly
When I can sleep at all
When I finally dream
In the street lamp dawn

Those gorram street lamps
And their higher cloud accomplises
Reflected lamplight
In the mirror, in my room, on my skin
And I can't sleep through it
I just can't sleep
No I can't sleep through it
No I just can't sleep
At night

Bum-bum, ba-dada-bum
Rra-rum, ra-dada-dum
Ra-dada, rra-ma-da
Rra-ma-da, rada-dum
Bum-bum, ra-dada-dada-dum
Rra-tatum, ska-rada-dum
Ska-rada
Ska-rada
Ska-rada
Ratata-ratata-rum

I wanna sleep
I need to sleep
I need to wake up in the morning
I wanna sleep
Why can't I sleep

Can you tell me please

Why can't I sleep
Why can't I sleep
Why can't I sleep
At night